Fear, along with low self-esteem, eventually leads to self-sabotage. I know. For years I was the queen of self-sabotage. My self-image was not consistent with how the world saw me. I achieved a great deal of business success selling real estate when I was in my early 20s.
I would literally look in the mirror trying to find the strong assertive person the outside world was seeing. All I could see was someone who was putting up a big front to appear cool. I was confused by my personal success when I was young because I had nothing nurturing or positive in my life to which I could relate the personal growth.
At the time, I wasn’t sure why I was getting all this money and acclaim. I didn’t think I was worthy of it, and believed that I didn’t deserve success or happiness. I achieved the level of business success because I was highly skilled, but my low self-esteem drove me to throw it all away.
The consequences of my low self-esteem and self-sabotage were many. If I can, I’d like to save you from the same fate by parting the curtain.
First, my personal life:
I felt unworthy of my first husband, but you wouldn’t have known it by the way I treated him. My self-sabotaging brain decided the way to keep him was to tear him down to my level so he would feel lucky to have anyone, even me. Then he wouldn’t leave me.
I still get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach thinking about how I hurt myself, my personal development and other people with my low self-esteem. Don’t ever kid yourself into thinking your level of self-esteem isn’t influencing the quality of life for people around you.
In my business life:
There the self-sabotage was straightforward. I would achieve a great deal of business success until it got too uncomfortable for my self-image to handle, and then I would destroy my achievement and my work/life balance.
I’d make my job undesirable by having a conflict or a philosophical difference where I would have to leave to maintain my ‘higher ground’. Some of these were pretty elaborate, so I could feel superior when I left.
Similar circumstances happen more often than you’d think. I see them played out by friends and co-workers over and over throughout the years. They’re easy to spot for someone like me, a former self-saboteur.
Self-sabotage is a self-fulfilling prophecy that puts people back in their comfort zone of “I knew it would all go away sooner or later. Nothing good ever lasts.”
See, I grew up in the land of “Who do you think you are?” This is still a common message kids receive today. It can be difficult reconciling personal success with that message. Without a strong positive self-image, all success is temporary.
On the positive side, another self-fulfilling prophecy is that if you “act as if” you are self-assured, knowledgeable and have work/life balance, you will become exactly that.
You’ve heard the saying, “Fake it until you make it.” This is not being phony. To become more positive, you have to start somewhere, and this is the first step towards personal growth.
The key to building self-esteem is to know that your opinion is the only one that counts. Others just influence your opinions. You can accept or reject what they say about your personal development.
High self-esteem is a gift you can only give to yourself. It’s a very valuable gift.
*This article is an excerpt from my book, “Breakthrough to Success; 19 Keys to Mastering Every Area of Your Life”
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Until next week, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Just comment on this post on my blog at http://www.LynnPierce.com
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With 32 years in sales and marketing, along with 38 years studying human behavior, Lynn Pierce, “The Success Architect,” mentors entrepreneurs and information marketers to reach the pinnacle of success. Tell Lynn what the life of your dreams looks like, and she’ll create the blueprints to get you there, along with the sales system to fund it. Author of, “Breakthrough to Success; 19 Keys to Mastering Every Area of Your Life”, Lynn Pierce’s personal growth and business acceleration systems help her clients get three times the results in half the time with one tenth of the effort. Claim your free special report, “What Do You Stand For; A No B.S. Guide to Creating Your Won Personal Manifesto” at http://LynnPierce.com
I was struck by your comment about tearing your husband down to your level, until recently I did something similar when trying to persuade people to what I wanted, I would tear apart their fact and points with my better verbal and reasoning skills thinking that I would then ‘win’ and be able to persuade them to what I wanted. It wasn’t until I read a book by Chris St. Hilaire that it changed the way I thought about persuasion being more about communication and to think about the other person’s self-esteem and how that would effect my approach.